Corn Corner     (a cereal)

by Cresby

The best definition of an optimist I had was someone who writes programs in ink. However, since the last full stop I will accept alternatives for ‘program’ such as articles, jokes, etc. (I had a joke somewhere when I started all this). Well, that’s it then, no joke, no schpeel. Unless, of course, there are any wild and wooly chestnuts just oozing off your screens, if so; out with your Naspencils and Wordeasels, or charcoal sticks and don’t hide your lampoon under a NASBUS.

Our Editor (feign, fawn, bow, scrape, smirk – oops, what a give-away) says that what we need is feedback from readers, so, plastered about this issue (issue is or issue ain’t) you should find a few corns; tread carefully, they may be mine. Now you can do better than those can’t you? Well of course you can, so lets hear them. To make me smile they must be short, ambiguous with any amount of political subtlety (if you’ll pardon the contradiction). However, they must be vaguely electronic, not refer to PITS or FLAT NBGBOK’s without copious asterisks, and not liable to libel.
For instance: ‘Feedback makes me sick’ and while you are digesting that, howsabout ‘Parallel digital processing – both hands’.

Commercial examples of humour do exist – anyone remember Mike Rose? (would I invent him?), while for those whose discs, are a status symbol need Q-DOS and any day now I am expecting a golf program called NASTEE. Until, dear readers, one of you can better the pun, I shall refer to these as IN jokes (value measured in DB’s of course). As the corn is grinding to a halt, instead of flowering, perhaps I should leave you with an anecdote about a colleague we shall recognise by the misnomer – our man Ager.

Whilst debugging the mechanics of a system he was reading out the CPU registers. Much to his credit, this man Ager waited patiently for the right moment to exclaim ‘There’s OF in L’; was my man ever so plussed? All I could manage was a half-thrust, crass-parry without whip like: ‘A bit OE’. Rotherham was proud of him that day but too ashamed of him otherwise to admit it.

Finally, I am forming a personal collection of Pig jokes, please contribute generously. What? Well, its a long story but if I told you the P.M. of N.Z. was effectionately known as Piggy Muldoon, you are knocking on for experts in Kiwi politics.

Lets hear it for the joke party, remember, much is groan from A corn. Keep ’em klean.